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As an American, I live in a congressional district.
But not so as you’d notice.
I live in the 27th District of New York, represented most recently by a guy who’s on a COVID deferment from federal prison.
He’s been out of office for most of a year. He was under indictment for most of the year before that. And before that, he just sucked. Good grandstander, nicely starched shirts, useless as tits on a boar hog.
He followed not long after another millionaire named Chris who had to quit after posting a picture of his moobs on Twitter, proving that he didn’t know anything more about pushups than he knew about social media.
In there somewhere was a nice Democrat lady who actually came around, and Tom Reynolds, who was the last real congressperson we had. Before him was Bill Paxon, who was going to be president by about now, and sometime back in the day Jack Kemp, a great man, in spite of his time in the CFL.
But lately, it’s been nobody.
And now we get to vote.
In some odd convergence of elections and political deals, my neighbors and I will get to vote in an election and a primary on the same day, and decide who we want to go to Congress now, and who we want on the ballot in November.
To be honest, I am so jaded by the posturing of the Democrats and the venality of the Republicans that I don’t really care which way it turns out. I am one of the most conservative people on the planet, and I believe the Democrats are screwing this country into the ground. But the whole process has been so corrupt for so long, and I have become so accustomed to not having genuine congressional representation , that I despair of anything useful coming out of this.
There’s a part of me that thinks it’s all a joke – on us.
Here are the players.
Nate McMurray is the Democrat. You’d swear he’s AOC’s taller, paler, pissed-off brother. Defeated two years ago, he is still scolding the district for not embracing his progressive omniscience. Campaigning in a district with a very conservative, very Republican majority, his approach is to make it painfully clear that he hates conservatives and Republicans, and that they are idiots.
Chris Jacobs is the Republican. He’s rich.
I’d tell you more about him, but that wouldn’t be relevant.
McMurray and Jacobs face one another in a special election to fill out the remainder of the term of Chris Felon.
That’s one vote. The other vote is a primary.
That’s because of Beth Parlato.
She’s hot.
She’s also conservative. Real conservative. Like actually believes in stuff conservative. And when Republican Party bosses gave the nomination to Richie Rich, because of his qualification, she didn’t think that was right, fair or in the best interest of the district or country.
So she filed the paperwork and forced a Republican primary to see who will be the party’s candidate for the seat in the November general election. The orange box download for mac.
That made it Chris Jacobs, rich guy, versus Beth Parlato, actual Republican.
He had millions of dollars, but she had a sprawling district full of working-class Republicans a little tired of having their seat at the congressional table sold to a series of rich guys out of Buffalo.
That didn’t look good for Richie Rich.
Enter Stefan Mychajliw, whose name pronounces a lot easier than it spells.
He’s a young guy on the make out of Erie County. And his entry into the race, as a second conservative candidate, will help elect a very large political donor for decades to come. Jacobs can lose to a conservative, but he can’t lose to two conservatives who split the vote. Which leads me to cynically suspect that “Mychajliw” roughly translates to “stalking horse.”
Repeating for those still awake: Next Tuesday, everyone in my congressional district will choose between Chris Jacobs and Nate McMurray to be a congressman for the rest of the year, and Republicans will additionally vote in a primary to see who the GOP candidate for this seat will be in November, choosing between Chris Jacobs, Beth Parlato and Stefan Mychajliw.
Here’s how I’m voting.
In the primary, I’m voting for Beth Parlato, on the simple basis that I’m a conservative and she’s a conservative. She believes in what I believe.
In the special election, I’m not voting.
I’ll let my neighbors decide.
On the outcome, it doesn’t matter and I don’t care. This seat at this time will not tip control of the House, nor will it make any impact whatsoever on the work or legislation of the government. It boils down to nothing more than bragging rights for two guys and their political parties.
If Richie Rich wins, his years of feckless public service will simply begin six months sooner. If Nate McMurray wins, he’ll get a gold star for his resume and maybe Nancy Pelosi will slide us some pork, trying to win points for her boy. Whoever wins, his party will play it for 30 seconds of prognosticatory publicity for the November election. Whoever wins, it’s six meaningless months for the rest of us.
And at the end of six months, the person in the seat will be the winner of the Republican primary. In November, this district, solidly pro-Trump and anti-Cuomo, is going to elect the Republican candidate, no matter who that is. And that person will then hang fire for two years seeing what desecration of democracy redistricting turns out to be.
All I know is that I’m not voting in the special election, and that I’m voting for Beth Parlato in the primary.
And that, payback being what it is, my kids have zero chance of ever getting a nomination to a service academy.
- by Bob Lonsberry © 2020
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In the dark of a midwinter night, on the banks of the Potomac River, the cannon fired and the band played and the multicolored rockets flew, as the Republic celebrated a new president and an old promise, to liberty and independence and the will of we, the people.
In the dark of that same midwinter night, near the banks of the Irondequoit Creek, in the thundering roar of 11 tons of olive-drab mercy, three soldiers drove a big Black Hawk over farm and field and family home, training to fight and training to save, keeping the promise of This We’ll Defend, keeping the flag flying and the home fires lit and doing the will of we, the people.
That’s how it works.
We have pomp and ceremony, institutions and symbols, monuments and memorials, touchstones of 245 years of red, white and blue and the land of the free. And we have men and women of grit and courage, doing hard things in the service of others, around the clock, honing the bayonet of national defense, proving and proving and proving again that we are the home of the brave.
The two are parts of the whole, indispensable and inseparable. The flag flies not as a gift from the world, an entitlement of the universe, but because we put it up and stand ready to snap the neck of anybody who tries to take it down. The president isn’t the commander in chief of the Army and Navy because it sounds cool, but because national existence is tied to national defense, and we don’t have a freedom we can’t protect or a nation we can’t secure, and the halls of power are established by the fields of battle.
And we prevail on those fields of battle because we train. Because we prepare. We drill. We push. We demand. We demonstrate. We do it around the clock and across the calendar. In sun and rain and heat and cold.
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And in the dark of a midwinter night.
The New York Army National Guard Aviation Support Facility is a spic-and-span operation on the backside of the airport, down near where people sometimes park to watch the planes take off and land, a dress-right-dress swath of Army green on the edge of the Greater Rochester International Airport and its commercial aviation.
You get there by driving down Scottsville Road and turning right onto Patriot Way. But from there you can go anywhere in the world. Anywhere in the world somebody raises a fist at America and tries to swing it. Anywhere in the world an American soldier lies wounded and needs somebody hot and heavy to come in and get him.
Anywhere in New York that heavy airlift or medivac or eyes in the sky are needed and citizen soldiers can come under rotor to help.
The New York Army National Guard Aviation Support Facility.
Where last night three cars sat late in the parking lot with no one to drive them home.
Home. Where wars are really fought and sacrifice is truly felt. Where going there means leaving here, and leaving the loves and the dreams and purposes of life. You don’t fight, the hero says, because you hate what’s in front of you, you fight because you love what’s behind you. And home is what’s behind you. And inside you. And driving you.
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The New York Army National Guard Aviation Support Facility.
Where there’s the dust of Afghanistan in the corners and the tears of loss in the eyes.
A security camera on somebody’s garage captured the approaching sound of the big Sikorsky airframe and General Electric motors. There was an increase in volume and a throbbing oscillation, not the quick whack-a whack-a of slapping blades, but a moan that rose and fell, and then something that sounded like everything coming loose and metal striking metal, like a mechanism coming apart.
There are a lot of houses out there, and snow-covered farmers’ fields. And sometimes the last thing you do is save somebody else’s life, and the big bird veered toward an expanse where they grow corn or beans or some other fruit of the American soil.
Soil bought and paid for and consecrated by the shedding of American blood.
They were the first military casualties of the new presidency. Three soldiers, three National Guardsmen, who died as assuredly in our service and to our benefit as if they had perished on a foreign battlefield, instead of in a neighboring town.
They call it Patriot Way for a reason.
And it says US ARMY on their chest as a reminder.
To us and them and all the world, that we know freedom isn’t free, and independence isn’t automatic. Americans have always know that, and Americans have never shied away from paying the price.
And last night in a snowy field, while the band played and the president waved, three heroes died in our service, and three families were wounded in our cause.
That’s what keeps the flag flying and the Republic aright, and the institutions of liberty intact.
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And that’s what we must never forget.
- by Bob Lonsberry © 2021
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